Monday, February 1, 2010


The hardest part about being a foster parent is not what most people think of.  Sure, dealing with tantrums, bizarre behaviors left over from a abused or neglected former life, hearing horrible words shouted at you only because they are scared, frustrated, and scarred, sucks.  But I can take that part of it.  What kills me and eats me up inside is loving, healing, molding, and mending these children and then giving them back or giving them away to another family. 

These children have become my babies.  They have been part of my family for these last 5 months.  They are my other children's siblings.  They are our parents' other grandchildren.  They are my sisters' other niece and nephew. How do they un-become mine?  Is it pride that tells me that I am the best Mommy they will have - that I know them and can offer them the best life possible? 

We aren't there yet, thank goodness, but it's coming.  I know it's coming.  And I am not looking forward to it.

And as if the dagger wasn't already sticking out of my chest, it twists at the toughest times.  Last night the 3-year-old and I were doing her school project together.  She was answering questions like "What's your favorite thing to do?" and "What is your favorite place?"  We got to the question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" She answers, "A mommy, like you."  Oh, my heart can't take much more.


Kathi D said...

Oh, now the dagger is in my heart, too! I'm sure you ARE the best mommy they will ever have. I guess the only way to keep from being heartbroken is to know that, this way, you will have the chance to be the best mommy to a lot more children. When you think of the impact a favorite teacher has on a child's life, just think of what long-term good you are doing for the kids. You could be the key to their future happiness--even though they won't be with you forever.

I admire your guts for taking in kids that you know you'll have to say goodbye to later. The whole world benefits when you help just one child grow up better.

Queen Ree said...

Sarah, I am delighted that you are back to writing. It makes the distance seems so much less. You know I rarely go this public with my thoughts but this one called me so I had to post. It takes a big heart to let someone in like one of your own. It will take a bigger heart to let them go and not break (and plenty of Kleenex and those funny ice packs for your eyes). Like me, you can only love absolutely, but that is what they needed and still need so keep it up! I am so proud of you.

jenny k said...

They are absolutely part of this family - my other niece and nephew. I know it's coming, too.....I'm so sad, my throat is swelling up as we speak. Good grief, Jenny, don't cry yet. I'm really going to miss them, though. =(

Dev'n Morrison said...

GIRL!! I TOTALLY understand! We agree, ours are our family now! I agree that that is the hardest part of fostering. Praying here that it gets easier for everyone involved!