Friday, April 24, 2009

Never say "I can't"

This year, with great trepidation, and some serious convincing to an admissions office, I started graduate school. I don't actually have a really clear idea of what I will do with this when I'm done, I just knew that it was time for me to get my master's in nursing. Now, if you had asked me 8 years ago if I would be going back to school I would have said NEVER. And I would have meant it, especially to further my education in nursing.

I wrestled with my identity as a nurse since day 1. I even had a professor tell me I would never make it as a nurse. I carried her voice with me around in my head through my first several years. I questioned myself, was this really my calling? Only after school and emergency room nursing, years into my career did I begin to feel like I fit in to this profession. But, still, why grad school?

After course work began I was seriously doubting I had made a good decision. Still, week after week I seemed to still be in the game. Then the paper came up. Now, you have to understand scholarly papers were the bane of my college existence. I could not write them. More importantly I could not write them and turn them in on time. I would write a questionable paper and turn it in so late that I would lose ridiculous amounts of points. Put me in creative writing circles and I had an easy A. Make me write a thesis driven research paper, Lord help me. I wrote my professor an overly dramatic email about how I was completely paralyzed and could not write the paper.

Despite the overwhelming odds against me, I began that paper. I turned in several drafts the week before it was due and my prof helped me do just some minor tweaking. Then, I took a deep breath, and 24 hours before it was due, I turned it in - a complete and hopefully articulate paper. I know, you can all fall over in disbelief now. I did.

Now, I would have been OK with just the accomplishment of writing and turning in the paper alone. Mission accomplished. I had done the impossible. But, it gets better! I got an email from the professor returning my graded paper. 100%! I think now that you know, I will have officially told everyone. This is how amazed I am. I guess I will stick with grad school for a bit longer. Perhaps you will see that day when I become an advanced practice nurse. So much for never making it... If I never do anything else with my Master's Degree, one thing I know for sure, I will have conquered a long time belief that I could not do something that apparently I can.


Kathi D said...

Woot woot woot!!!! Way to go!!!!!

Marianne said...

YAY!!! Congrats!!! I love it when I get good grades when I think I did not so well. On one of my last exams, I thought I bombed it because I didn't do all the reading and when I got it back, I got a B! It's a great feeling of accomplishment. Keep up the good work!

Kristin said...

Yeah for Sar!